In the first place I spent most of my time at home, reading. I tried to stifle all that was continually seething within me by means of external impressions. And the only external means I had was reading. Reading, of course, was a great help--exciting me, giving me pleasure and pain. But at times it bored me fearfully. One longed for movement in spite of everything, and I plunged all at once into dark, underground, loathsome vice of the pettiest kind. My wretched passions were acute, smarting, from my continual, sickly irritability I had hysterical impulses, with tears and convulsions. I had no resource except reading, that is, there was nothing in my surroundings which I could respect and which attracted me. I was overwhelmed with depression, too; I had an hysterical craving for incongruity and for contrast, and so I took to vice. I have not said all this to justify myself. . But, no! I am lying. I did want to justify myself. I make that little observation for my own benefit, gentlemen. I don't want to lie. I vowed to myself I would not.Fyodor Dostoyevsky
About This Quote
Confessions of a Confession is a novel by French writer Henry Bauchau that uses the form of the memoir to tell the story of its subject, who was incarcerated in prison for several years. The Confessions are written by an unnamed prisoner who identifies himself only as "I." Confessions of a Confession was published in France in 1883. Many scholars believe that Confessions is based on the life experiences of the author’s friend, George Sand. The book begins with the man telling his story to his lawyer, who is writing it down. "If you could climb up to me," he says.
"If I could see your eyes and hear your voice...." The narrator describes how he became involved with crime and ends up in prison, where he is subjected to torture and humiliation. He begins to tell his story again, but this time it is told in first person plural: "We were born together, we lived together.... We knew nothing...
We were ignorant... We did not know how to live... And then ...
we were happy ... we never did anything wrong ... we obeyed orders ...
we did not care about ourselves." The book ends with him saying that he intends to continue telling his story.
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More Quotes By Fyodor Dostoyevsky
- Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having...
- What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love.
- The soul is healed by being with children.
- I love mankind, he said, "but I find to my amazement that the more I love mankind as a whole, the less I love man in particular.
- To love someone means to see them as God intended them.